Verses on the theme

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And time there was, ere England’s griefs began,

When every rood of ground maintained its man;

For him light labour spread her wholesome store,

Just gave what life required, but gave no more;

His best companions, innocence and health;

And his best riches, ignorance of wealth.

Oliver Goldsmith.

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UNCIVILISED                                  EDMUND VANCE COOKE (1866-1932)

An ancient ape, once upon a time, disliked exceedingly to climb,

And so he picked him out a tree and said, “Now this belongs to me.

I have hunch that monks are muts and I can make them gather nuts

And bring the bulk of them to me, by claiming title to this tree.”

He took a green leaf and a read and wrote himself  a title deed,

Proclaiming pompously and slow: “All monkeys by these presents know.”

Next morning when the monkeys came, to gather nuts, he made his claim:

“All monkeys climbing on this tree, must bring their gathered nuts to me,

Cracking the same on equal shares; the meats are mine, the shells are theirs.”

“But by what right?” they cried amazed, thinking the ape was surely crazed.

“By this”, he answered; if you’ll read, you’ll find it is a title deed,

Made in precise and formal shape, and sworn before a fellow ape,

Exactly on the legal plan, used by that wondrous creature, man,

In London, Tokyo, New York, Glengarry, Kalamazoo and Cork.

Unless my deed is recognised, it proves you quite uncivilised.”

“But”, said one monkey, “You’ll agree, it was not you who made this tree.”

“Nor”, said the ape, serene and bland, “Does any owner make this land,

Yet all of its hereditaments, are his and figure in the rents.”

The puzzled monkeys sat about: they could not make the question out.

Plainly, by precedent and law, the ape’s procedure showed no flaw;

And yet, no matter what he said, the stomach still denied the head.

Up spoke one sprightly monkey then: “Monkeys are monkeys, men are men;

The ape should try his legal capers, on men who may respect his papers.

We don’t know deeds, we do know nuts, and spite of ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’ and ‘buts’

We know who gathers and unmeats ‘em, by monkey practice also eats ‘em.

So tell the ape and all his flunkies, no man tricks can be played on monkeys.”

Thus, apes still climb to get their food, since monkeys’ minds are crass and crude

And monkeys, all so ill-advised, Still eat their nuts, uncivilised.

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